It’s the day before the surgery and I’m feeling very on edge and nervous. For one, I’ve already had difficulty and constraints eating because the thicker wire on the top has made my teeth more sensitive to the pressure of chewing and biting most foods. Also, the lugs are constantly poking at the insides of my top and bottom lip and make food a lot easier to get caught there. Additionally, the fact that the wire isn’t secured to my brackets with rubber bands but rather wire, means there’s a lot more poky metal from the sharp surfaces of the brackets themselves.
I’ve received many good wishes and comforting prayers from friends and family, and I am appreciative to be in their thoughts and grateful to have such a strong support system. I never thought that this day would come. I hope that the surgery is straightforward, without any complications, and that I will have a speedy recovery that goes well. I fear that I will lose sensation in my cheeks and lips because of the oral surgeons damaging a facial nerve… What if kissing is never the same? That’s not my biggest concern, or the worst thing in the world, of course, but that would be unfortunate for sure.
I just am scared about the pain that I will be in tomorrow. I already remember what it was like to have my wisdom teeth extracted. Just lying and waiting on the operating room table is full of anxiety. I disliked even getting an IV put in because the nurse couldn’t locate my vein and had to stab me like twice, with blood flowing out of me. But now, I heard that I need to be intubated nasally, get a catheter inserted, and have another monitor put in through an artery on my wrist. I’m worried about how this will affect me for the weeks after. I already felt awful from just wisdom teeth extractions, but this surgery has lifelong implications. It could also mean I will need additional surgeries.
What if this is all for nothing and my bite doesn’t get fixed? And my jaw and mouth problems won’t end after healing from the surgery? What if I react negatively to the titanium added to my mouth? I also will probably be very bored and frustrated from hanger. Ahhhhh I can keep on listing all these negatives but I know I need to have a positive mindset. In the end, I have thought about this long and hard before moving on with the decision to treat my problems with jaw surgery. I think this is the best long term plan for my health, and I’m fortunate to have an excellent, professional, well-experienced medical team and that I can actually receive this expensive treatment. I trust the medical team, and I trust the BAMC facility. I will probably be just fine, and even better off, at the end of this surgery. I need to have courage. Yes, I am scared, but as I probably quote from some childhood movie with a theme of courage, courage is the characteristic of someone who chooses to step forward in the face of uncertainty. I need to be brave. There are others who have gone through far worse than me at a far younger age.
Remember, I WANTED this. I WANT this. I’m choosing to go through with this. This is MY decision. I am well-informed and know this is the best thing for me to do. On the bright side, now is the best time to get the surgery done because hopefully I will be healthier and more functional for senior year and college?! And hopefully my face will be more balanced by the end of it all? Also, my sleeping, breathing, chewing, and swallowing will be much better after this all. It’s in the summer so I have time to rest and recover and heal. I need to be strong, have a positive mindset, and have faith. It’s just a temporary two/three months of pain and discomfort with (most likely) health benefits for life. After all, my bite would probably become a really big issue and problematic later on in life. Since I’m young, my body is well-equipped and strong to recover.
Everything will be fine. No, better yet, everything will go great.
